free yourself from mental slavery

I have written in many different forms and I have thought through the very precise wordings of what I want to say in the most rigid and formal appearing contexts. I recall the days my hand was steady and wrote with the forms rote from practice and desire to perform. The longest passages of words given flight in flurries I would have given more time if I hadn't wanted to know where my mouth should open next and the breath of life's communication give the louder import of my souls desires. I have less skill in finding where the finest penmanship is in my capacity to etch a streak of color or exposition or verse across some place set for the wordings of someone else at some other time. This desire is no longer as urgent as other days in my life, and it has never been as strong as that desire to express and to know without the eyes or the ear or the mouth. There are those mental capacities diminished, and there are those I never sought to have, but I know that I can remember something lost better than something I never had. The conversations overheard in my head where I lost connection to something there to grab, I won't desire their return to prominence, I won't give in to being simply glad, I live with time to make a decision, but I have other lives I would have had, so every little time I remember one I think of them for there are better days to know where others were sad. I don't like this feeling and I never said I have.